trešdiena, 2012. gada 2. maijs

Brainf*** novels

A dozen great propositions for a novel of somekind 

“A little science fiction in a Dutch brothel of Chaos” – a story of a delirious low life sucked into the world of eternal lust while working as a robot drawing body artist in an opium infested brothel.
“Canned elephant dung – Uncanned and thrown into wind” – an epic documentary and educational book about aerodynamics and mind-terrorizing effects of dung on young children that play unattended beside large skyscrapers on windy days.
“Deaf ear and funny goose” – a kids’ book about a deaf farm animal quacking its life away with cheap booze and pig orgies in the barn.
“Diary of a sadistic car mechanic” – a breath taking story of a wrench wielding mechanic fixing UAZs during a Siberian winter with a broken arm and a screwdriver wedged in his lower leg.
“In bed with flaming cobras that suck the blood of their young” – a non-fiction novel about life and stuff. Also about haystacks and ants.
“Never underestimate a non-suspicious taco-sniffing gypsy” – a detective novel about unexplained cattle mutilations during Gypsytown wars in Mexico City.
“Redneck emotional breakdown over Cheetos(R)” – an educational brochure about dangers of eating expired potato products at car derbies while high on goat cheese and strawberry alcohol poured directly from used synthetic oil drums.
“She knew the cactus was naughty and lonely at night” (also known as “Growing medical marijuana in your neighbours’ flat for dummies”) – basically, a fertiliser instruction manual written in haiku style.
“Stove of terror” – hardcore baking and hydrazine culinary.
“Who dates a flying seahorse during a Cambodian wizardry convention?” – a mockumentary novel about LSD, trips to third world countries and linguistic problems of potheads.
“Never look inside the ear of a drunken priest“ – memoirs of a successful businessman getting involved in a new sect of some kind. Also about lightning rods and right-wing politics.
“Mad romance in a cave of greenish, dripping acidic water” – a typical book about teenager love, quantum physics and cacomorphobic vampires.